Tag Archives: relationships

SOUL MATES

SOUL MATES

The soul has a strong desire and need for intimacy, and it loves vernacular life—that particular place, family, friends, neighborhood that are part of our daily life. That is why we look at ways of being in any kind of relationship soulfully: bonds that we feel with certain people.

A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected by divine grace. There is nothing more precious in life than our soul mate. Actually, this form of intimacy is not limited to one person or one form.

We are not talking about the interpersonal mechanics that comes to the foreground. Some nonchalantly say that we are simply programmed to act the way we do – almost like a machine. Not so! Today’s communication is technically sophisticated and speedy, but not necessarily more soulful.

We are dealing with questions like, “what is this thing when we fall madly in love?”, or “Why is this deep love never seemed to be satisfied?”, or “What is it that the soul wants upon separation?”

Some of us are frustrated and ask, “What is this continued failure to find love?” There are troubling aspects: doubts, distancing, desire for separation and freedom and endings. We suffer symptoms of loss of soul. The reason why we have so much trouble with relationships today may be our neglect of the study of the soul.

SOUL MATES

The soul loves attachments of all kinds – to places, ideas, times, sounds and music even in the ordinary details of everyday life. There are two pulls on our life: one upward toward success, progress, and intellectual clarity and another downward into individual, quiet life.

We have strong desires to have a family, live with another person, or join a community and yet after this has been satisfied, we are still drawn in exactly the opposite direction – our intimacy and our solitude. We must learn to honor both togetherness and individuality at the same time, even though we may sometimes feel a tug to one side only.

There are really two goals: one, to come to know yourself and two, to get to know the deep and subtle richness of the soul of the other. The final objective is to be both intimately connected with one another and at the same time, preserve one’s integrity and individuality.

This can be accomplished by giving the other sufficient emotional space in which to live and express one; then to risk revealing your own soul, complete with all its own absurdities. There are deep roots that may never have been revealed because of a lack o communication. The solution is not knowledge but love and a feeling that “you are accepted” by the other

We look at ourselves and we don’t like what we see. We try to change but the old imperfections remain steadfast. The basis of all relationships starts with the recognition that you have to be a friend to yourself – intimacy with oneself. The answer has everything to do with developing a good, intimate relationship to our own soul and the soul of others.

SOUL MATES

THE SOUL OF THE FAMILY

People living in the modern life often complain about a loss of traditional values and about feeling aimless, rootless and adrift. The culture of the family is a resource into which a person may dip throughout one’s life for direction, meaning and style.

One task is to forgive our parents for being imperfect. Life is much richer if we could let go of the excuse of parental failure and to establish a satisfying relationship with them. We benefit from the richness of a family and in particular of family stories, which identify who we are. The family may be one of the most powerful creative forces in our lives.

SOUL MATES

THE SOUL OF MARRIAGE

There is intermingling of souls that culminate in marriage – a demanding form of relationship. Marriage is a mystery, a sacrament and a sacred symbolic act. The interior of marriage is magical: it is fulfilling union that supplies a profound need for meaning, fulfillment and relatedness: a good home, fine children, happy days. Continue reading SOUL MATES

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HEALING OF RELATIONSHIPS

DEMONIC INFLUENCES

Many of us have demonic influences within us, but we also have the dashing prince. Before the Prince can save the damsel in distress, he has to slay the dragons that surround the castle. These demons are our wounds, our fears from our egos. A good example is women who always seem to meet emotionally abusive men. The problem is that these women have always known that pain. They almost feel comfortable with that pain. Their demons must be bound and delivered away: the spirits of poor unforgiveness, self-esteem, trauma and fear.

Sometimes the moment the pain is greatest is a wonderful opportunity: we might actually make a slip and ask Heaven for help. You decide that you need to be healed. A process of miraculous change takes place which is twofold:

  1. I see my error or dysfunctional pattern
  2. I ask God to take it from me: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”                                                                                                 1 John 5:14

The healing must happen. They then learn to pray for each other and for the healing of relationships: to reignite one’s love. What is required is deliverance.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?                                                  James 4:1

As victims of a sin-nature, we tend to be blind to our own sins and at the same time we are driven to blame our spouse or anyone else for own bad behavior.  As Christians, we are called to examine our own personal flaws and to respond to our spouse with understanding and compassion.

healing relationships deliverance

Unfortunately, many justify their action by telling ourselves, “I can’t help it!”, which is a myth or a lie.  Another reason for arguments is that we too easily give in to our own negative feelings.  Jesus called us to rise above our feelings, not to allow them to dominate our will and to continue loving no matter what.

Another flaw in our thinking is something called, “weather proofing” our relationship, which is an arrogant attempt to change one’s spouse into a perfect fantasy in one’s mind of what a spouse should be.  What a dangerous illusion!  One partner may foster conflict by thinking the other has an evil intent, which is usually not true. When one judges in this way, one is putting on a superiority: he or she is not good enough for me.  Remember only God has the right to judge.

This feeling that the spouse is deliberately out to wound the other, leads to insecurity, which in turn leads to low moods; these low moods cause the spouse to lose one’s warm feelings, which in itself is destructive. It is really a cry for help.

If one spouse is in a low mood, it is very difficult to use reason.  That spouse has lost touch with logic and has lost sight of reality. Conversely, as one’s spouse begins to feel more secure, one’s mood begins to rise and one will once more break out into the sunlight. Hope is the usual medicine.

When both are in a high mood again, and can think clearly, both should discuss what happened and try to practice a new strategy.  To avoid this pitfall, both must agree to inform the other when one is in a low mood before it explodes.  It must be agreed on how each should react to respond to a partner’s  low mood. 

We know that men and women think and act differently. We also know that two partners may come from totally different family backgrounds and experiences.  Despite these differences, it would be ideal if both partners begin to change. Even if only one makes the effort, there is usually a wonderful response by the other.

If one’s attitude is excitement at the spouse’s way of seeing the world, one will continue to be in a high mood, constantly stimulated by the partner’s ideas and never feeling threatened by them.

INCOMPATIBILITY

We should discard all false notions of “incompatibility”, which is a myth and an feeble excuse to avoid real commitment.  Christians can love one another whether they are compatible or not in the eyes of the world.

A perceived problem is in fact a state of mind, which can manufacture a problem out of anything or even out of nothing.  A change of heart  is necessary.  We have available to us even a higher spiritual change of heart, which prompts us to “lay down my life” for the other. John 10:15 This can only occur with the help of the Holy Spirit. It means that daily we submit ourselves to the will of God — accepting Jesus Christ as one’s personal Lord and Saviour and following in His footsteps and if necessary carrying  His cross.

This leads to true conversion: the husband begins to live for his wife instead of for himself, while his wife begins to live for him, rather than for herself.  If I “lay down my life” for my wife and live for her happiness, I need never worry, since it is very likely that she will do the same thing in turn for me.  The result is that my wife’s needs will be met and my needs will also be met. Instead of living a self-centred life, I live an other-centred life, and I am empowered to do this because I live for God first.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”                                                                                   Philippians 2:1-4

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”                                                              Philippians 2:14-15 

  • The first step usually begins with an ordinary counseling session to find out how the partners feel about themselves and their relationship.

Much of what holds people back in life is their unresolved feelings and judgments regarding their relationships, even relationships in the distant past. These feelings and judgments act as a kind of dam, holding people’s feelings back, arresting them in place, influencing their perception of other people and disabling them from being able to be emotionally open. Continue reading HEALING OF RELATIONSHIPS

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