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‘CHEAP SEX’ IS DESTROYING MARRIAGE

A NEW MORALITY OF SEX?

The words of the pope and the Vatican commissions fall for the most part on deaf ears, as is obvious from polls and other indications that even faithful Catholics no longer conform to Church teachings on sex. Vatican efforts against “artificial” methods of birth control have been in vain, and the Church has suffered such a general loss of credibility that its preachments on sex are ignored if not scorned by the overwhelming majority of Catholics.

Christian fundamentalists see it, of course, as a clear indication of the devil’s power over fallen humanity. But their hellfire-and-brimstone warnings reach only a tiny portion.

The enormous increase in the material standard of living, allows people more freedom to experiment.

There is an increasing corruption of morals and unbridled exaltation of sex. In addition, Christians are confused because of the diversity of opinions contrary to the teaching of the Church.

The Church’s position is enunciated in the basic principle, drawn from natural law, that the sexual function has its true meaning and moral goodness only in marriage, so the document of the Church goes on to rule out premarital sex, homosexual acts and masturbation .

Premarital sex is ruled out by the Church even when the partners are deeply committed to each other and are impeded from marrying only by adverse circumstances.

On the other hand, sex has the potential to bring people to the deepest level of intimacy.

CHEAP SEXCHEAP SEX

In his recently released book “Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage and Monogamy,” Regnerus examines the dramatic changes in American sexual beliefs that have led to an inability among increasing numbers of young men and women to marry, have children and be faithful to one another.

Three technological developments — highly effective contraceptives, high-quality Internet pornography and on-line dating/meeting services — have made sex (or sexual release) as easy to get in the U.S. as  water from a tap. Together, they drive down the cost of real sex, and in turn slow the development of love, make fidelity more challenging and have even taken a toll on men’s marriage ability. No longer playing a supporting role in relationships, sex has emerged as a central priority in relationships.

Everything in this new world is instantaneous……..everything is available and at their finger tips! Cheap sex has become like eating fast food. it is a NOW generation. They younger generation has a hard time looking down the road –planning for the future.

There is an emergence of something called Confluent Love”, which is “not forever” love, but love that asks whether this relationship is satisfying for both parties. When one party answers “no,” the relationship does not continue. Confluent love is the new norm that is shaping our dating and marriage relationships. For good or ill, neither partner will be happy with the final result.

In generations past, women generally made men wait until marriage to have sex. To get a wife (and, therefore, sex), men had to be clean and presentable and have a good job. This, Regnerus reasons, gave men all the motivation they needed to become respectable members of society. Nowadays young men can skip the detour of getting education and career prospects to qualify for sex. Now with porn on demand and greater reproductive freedom, sex is a commodity available at any time.

MEN AND WOMEN DIFFERENCES

Men and women are not the same with regard to sex. In general, men have more desire for sex than women. Women desire sex too, but they also want it with love, attention, care and, if they are smart, permanence. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and even if they don’t want to give it away cheaply, men now expect it and can go elsewhere if a woman does not put out. In other words, if women want male attention, they have to give sex away cheaply because other women do and men won’t hang around if they don’t. It’s a vicious circle which leads to untold numbers of young people who have failed relationship after failed relationship.

WOMEN DIFFICULTIES

Many women tend to be so hungry for love and touch that a little sex may give it to them, and so they may keep men on a chain. As compared to the past, many women today expect little in return for sex, in terms of time, attention, commitment or fidelity. Men, in turn, do not feel compelled to supply these goods as they once did.

Heterosexual women will have increasing difficulties finding a partner worth committing to. This leads women to settle, entering into doomed or otherwise unsatisfying marriages.

Women are getting married less because they are getting higher paying and higher educational jobs. But because women want to marry up, they only want to date the top 20% of men this presents a unique problem when all of the female population wants the same top 20% of men 

TRUE LOVECHEAP SEX TRUE LOVE

There are those who still believe in the sanctity of marriage or a solid committed relationship with one partner. They believe in romantic LOVE that is for the long haul. They are usually loyal to whoever they fall in LOVE with. They believe in the old school ways of thinking where people stayed in marriages for better or worst. Whoever they fall in LOVE with will always come home to them.

There are many people who are very much in LOVE and who prefer to be together without the signed contract of marriage. Others prefer the one on one kind of committed LOVE celebrated at the altar with God as the third important Partner. These are healthy relationships, where both people should have their own personal space to shine in their own beautiful light. It’s that kind of LOVE that you can see yourself having a life with, creating a family, growing old with and seeing your children become adults and being grandparents together. This is the kind of love that men are losing by not marrying. Whoever you fall in LOVE with will always come home to you.

SOCIAL CHANGECHEAP SEX

Marriage has become less of a priority for both genders simply because it is no longer made out to be the sole purpose of growing up in life… Education, travel, independence have all become valid and attainable choices for many. Both men and women no longer feel pressured to marry young.

These developments steer people away from thinking of sex as having anything to do with love, monogamy, or child-bearing — all traits that most Americans have long equated with marriage. Because sex is so readily available, people have lost the script that led them to marriage, family and permanence.

As women start to become more demanding of men, men turn away from women in pursuit of pleasure that costs little to nothing. We have failing rates of marriage and even greater rates of divorce.

As a consequence, men lose 50% of their property (real estate, cash, investments, etc) after divorce, plus add to this amount up to 18 years child support, including spousal support. So the costs can be staggering.

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SOUL MATES

SOUL MATES

The soul has a strong desire and need for intimacy, and it loves vernacular life—that particular place, family, friends, neighborhood that are part of our daily life. That is why we look at ways of being in any kind of relationship soulfully: bonds that we feel with certain people.

A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected by divine grace. There is nothing more precious in life than our soul mate. Actually, this form of intimacy is not limited to one person or one form.

We are not talking about the interpersonal mechanics that comes to the foreground. Some nonchalantly say that we are simply programmed to act the way we do – almost like a machine. Not so! Today’s communication is technically sophisticated and speedy, but not necessarily more soulful.

We are dealing with questions like, “what is this thing when we fall madly in love?”, or “Why is this deep love never seemed to be satisfied?”, or “What is it that the soul wants upon separation?”

Some of us are frustrated and ask, “What is this continued failure to find love?” There are troubling aspects: doubts, distancing, desire for separation and freedom and endings. We suffer symptoms of loss of soul. The reason why we have so much trouble with relationships today may be our neglect of the study of the soul.

SOUL MATES

The soul loves attachments of all kinds – to places, ideas, times, sounds and music even in the ordinary details of everyday life. There are two pulls on our life: one upward toward success, progress, and intellectual clarity and another downward into individual, quiet life.

We have strong desires to have a family, live with another person, or join a community and yet after this has been satisfied, we are still drawn in exactly the opposite direction – our intimacy and our solitude. We must learn to honor both togetherness and individuality at the same time, even though we may sometimes feel a tug to one side only.

There are really two goals: one, to come to know yourself and two, to get to know the deep and subtle richness of the soul of the other. The final objective is to be both intimately connected with one another and at the same time, preserve one’s integrity and individuality.

This can be accomplished by giving the other sufficient emotional space in which to live and express one; then to risk revealing your own soul, complete with all its own absurdities. There are deep roots that may never have been revealed because of a lack o communication. The solution is not knowledge but love and a feeling that “you are accepted” by the other

We look at ourselves and we don’t like what we see. We try to change but the old imperfections remain steadfast. The basis of all relationships starts with the recognition that you have to be a friend to yourself – intimacy with oneself. The answer has everything to do with developing a good, intimate relationship to our own soul and the soul of others.

SOUL MATES

THE SOUL OF THE FAMILY

People living in the modern life often complain about a loss of traditional values and about feeling aimless, rootless and adrift. The culture of the family is a resource into which a person may dip throughout one’s life for direction, meaning and style.

One task is to forgive our parents for being imperfect. Life is much richer if we could let go of the excuse of parental failure and to establish a satisfying relationship with them. We benefit from the richness of a family and in particular of family stories, which identify who we are. The family may be one of the most powerful creative forces in our lives.

SOUL MATES

THE SOUL OF MARRIAGE

There is intermingling of souls that culminate in marriage – a demanding form of relationship. Marriage is a mystery, a sacrament and a sacred symbolic act. The interior of marriage is magical: it is fulfilling union that supplies a profound need for meaning, fulfillment and relatedness: a good home, fine children, happy days. Continue reading SOUL MATES

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LOVING PERSON OF THE SAME SEX

loving same sex

WOMAN IS CREATED FOR MAN AND MAN IS MADE FOR WOMEN.

Man and women were not created as solitary beings but as the ones who would recognize each other as flesh of their flesh and bones of their bones, as the ones who are capable of friendship and total surrender to each other, as the ones who are capable of life-giving acts in its many forms. God intended complementary and interdependent relatedness of men and women. God ordered the right proportion so that not one of them would infringe improperly on another. Women are the other side of man, as complementary, rather than inferior.

Of course, man and woman in their sexual union and begetting of children can become co-creators with God. Their love and action can mirror the Love of God. They are to be partners like body and soul which God joined together as one. Yet, sexuality is often encountered as lust or abusive and not life-giving.

God also intended this union to strive to build a spiritual marriage. Couples with a strong shared faith do have an advantage over those who don’t. Husbands and wives who have put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ are in touch with the Life that pulses at the center of the universe in a way that others can never be.

loving same sex

THE  DILEMMA 

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